(NOT as a “creator”, which feels WHOLLY DIFFERENT..)

It’s one of those topics which always absolutely does my head in, and still cripples me a bit at the same time, just because it’s exhausting.

“Starving Artist Syndrome” is a phrase that will probably chase me to my grave. And yet, I think artists are partially to blame (not entirely, but DEFINITELY partially…).

Here, of course, is the trigger:

(I spend a LOT of time on Threads, because there are some amazing people and conversations, and also, Twitter is shit. That’s pretty much it.)

One of the reasons for winding down my push on weddings and just letting them find me, is that I literally can no longer afford it. I can’t afford to push anymore, not right now, not for a while. Not just financially, but mentally and emotionally, too. I lose my mind too many times a week, hearing about musicians taking 3 hour gigs, with 2 hours of travel, and no food expenses, for like £150.

(I was offered a gig like this last week. 2 years ago, I was offered a gig which would have been 6 hours of time, with 6 hour round trip driving, and no food vouchers and no travel expenses, for £185. That might sound like “ooooo but that’s not quite even minimum wage, but I’ll ask you to widen your mind and consider the prep time that goes in to a live performance…)

Everyone is screwing each other over. And we’re in an economy where too many artists are scrabbling for pennies.

Which is shit.

Lately I’ve been looking at the various different ways in which my creativity can support my (quite honestly, extremely minimal at present) income. I’m about [ this close ] to adding a “tip me” jar to my blog posts, though I may have done that already by the time I finish and you read this post. I’m also seeing how I can monetise on YouTube and TikTok, via hoping and praying that enough people “follow, like, and share” so that the platforms start paying me.

Then, there’s the assets. ASSETS ARE WHERE IT’S AT. (For me personally.)

If you don’t mind pushing to sell those assets in the first place, I suppose.

But posting my cello tutorials, making and uploading cello coaching guides, building my cello sheet music arrangements library, offering cello lessons, composing cello works, creating meditation resources…it’s no wonder I just feel so bloody burnt out every day.

I was talking to someone recently (respectfully, they’re neurotypical and really not particularly creative) about how I was struggling ito keep going, and how I’m so tired and bored of not having enough money. Rawdogging AuDHD as a mostly hidden disability IS crippling, and with an unholy dose of internalised ableism and past relationship trauma, it almost feels easier to just remain trapped, than to fight it.

Their response to my woes, was, “can’t you just get a 9-5?”

😭😭😭😭😭😭

There are MANY ways to make money as a creative, but I believe that a lot of it starts with self respect and self belief.

And not just in yourself, but in your artwork, in whatever you’re creating, and EVERYTHING leading up to it.

I remember it taking FOR-EV-UH to raise my prices in my wedding business. But it wasn’t because I wanted the cheapest gigs and all the work. Nor was it because I didn’t value myself.

I DID value myself – STILL value myself – and then some.

It was because I knew that, if I hit the stupid invisible ceiling, the one which would “price me out of my current market, and into a market where I didn’t know how to function”, then I’d feel screwed.

It basically came down to being educated.

And then after that, deciding what I REALLY wanted to do, what I COULD do, and what I NEEDED to do.

I worked out how much I needed to surviver, I set my rates, I dug my heels in, and I…booked weddings. I was still booking weddings. And then I realised I needed to “test the ceiling”, because I was still only barely surviving.

And there’s a BIG difference between “surviving” and “thriving”.

I’ve watched a lot of my musicians friends quit, over the last few years. Citing burnout, money, time, finances, exhaustion, business, bills – yeeaaahhhh it’s basically the same thing, over and over. A few years ago at the peak of my coaching before my own burnout kicked in, a money coaching group I’m in saw several incredibly talented artists continually struggling with money. It was devastating, because at some point they, like myself, would post that they just couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t sustain, couldn’t continue to survive on absolutely nothing.

I…suppose I’m just rambling along with my own thoughts now, which is exactly why I restarted my blog…but so many things recently have me reflecting on my remaining future, my own life, my finances, and my creativity.

Right now, what I long for more than anything, is the feeling that it’s safe to exhale, knowing that I’m not just financially stable, but financially SECURE.

Right now, I can’t offer generational wealth to my children, but until then, I CAN educate them to the best of my ability. I can teach and show them that ethically, money comes to them in soooooo many ways. They’re creative young men, and I know they’re unlikely to sit in a “traditional” 9-5.

And whilst I’m educating them as best I can, and demonstrating the different ways in which to build from nothing AND somehow be patient if it’s not working yet, or 3 months later (Jeeeeeeeeeeezusssssss chrriiiiiiiiist…), I will continue to maximise my own creative skills, build those assets…

…and avoid selling my soul to the devil.

(YEAY ME! Not even being sarcastic.)