Education

Keeping My Mouth Shut. (…pffffft as if…)

January 13, 2014 by cosmicgirlie 7 Comments

Yeah it’s another semi Facebook rant, but it’s also a few words on a small triumph.

My rant begins with the number of people posting the “STOP DOING THESE THINGS ON FACEBOOK” posts. Stop posting about your kids, your food, your bowel movements. Stop bragging with your holiday snaps. Stop remembering people who died a million years ago. Stop this, stop that, stop communicating on a social network platform.

You know you can shut that shit down, right? Lord knows I’ve done it enough times over the last few weeks. I open Farcebook, looking to see what’s going on with the wedding world, or to see what my awesome mates are getting up to, and come away wondering if I’m actually allowed to post anything on a social platform designed for POSTING AND SHARING. I discovered several wonderful features, maaaaaany months ago. Hide/block/unfriend gets used a lot. As does “do you wish to close this browser?” Why yes, Google Chrome. Yes I fucking do, since everyone is in a shitty mood and I’m supposed to NOT SAY ANYTHING.

But my rant comes, because today I posted this.

I’ve written about my determination to get them into private school many times before.

http://cosmicgirlie.com/2013/03/14/yeah-im-still-a-school-snob/

http://cosmicgirlie.com/2013/06/24/determined-blazing-glory-face/

Now, my friends who give a shit, will know I have been stressed to my goddamn EYEBALLS in the past, trying to sort out good schooling for The Smalls. Their current school is painful. In the last 3 months, I’ve had to rescue Noah’s reading. He’s gone from crying every time I tell him it’s time to read a school book, through to requesting 5 minutes at bedtime to read several chapters of his own books. He despairs with school books. Here at home, we can’t give him enough to read; I’m pre-empting what the hell he could read next. Providing Isaac isn’t in mental crazy-boy mode in the mornings, they both read for 15 minutes when they wake up.

Noah comes home with weekly maths tests, with which he gets no help at school. We, his parents, have no idea of the point of them, what they’re trying to achieve, how we are to help him, IF we are allowed to help him, how often he is to do them…no help. We have no idea. So when Noah came home with the same test again for the umpteenth time because he didn’t get the answers right at school, he was obviously in tears. He’s borderline hating maths. It’s only thanks to twinkl (that site has been a SAVIOUR, that’s for sure) and me saying “fuck it, school, I’m going to teach him MY way”, he has FINALLY clicked how to work through the test with much less help. Was I supposed to help him? Fuck knows. Support from school has been minimal; The Mr and I are still in the dark.

We understand that with the education system the way it is at the mo, you get what you pay for. I know perfectly well that state schools are stretched to stupidly ridiculous levels, and the majority of children are just not getting the full help and care needed. Teachers are being pushed to absolute limits, and many are in the dark on their subjects, as a result. I know; I’ve taught in schools. So, the aim is to send them to private school, to give them the absolute best education we can afford to give them. The schools in our area are not able to give us what we need. I don’t expect my boy to end up in tears every time I ask him to do numeracy or literacy.

Fyi, this morning he said to me “You know, Mommy, I feel much better about my numbers now that you’ve helped me. I think it might be a bit easier now.” Geeze. And if I had stepped back because I had assumed I was not allowed to help? What then?

Anyway. I posted that facebook status, because I am really goddamn pleased to feel that I’m doing all I can to help his education. It is a BLOODY BIG THING to me, making sure that they are BOTH educated people when they grow, with a sense of self, good intelligence, and sound knowledge of important subjects. And of course, rightly so, I’m goddamn proud of my children. So why did I feel immediate guilt when I posted it? Why did I feel that I had to justify posting what I posted?

Why did I think to myself, the actual words, “shit, I better clarify that, as I don’t want people to think I’m bragging about getting them into private school. Hell, maybe I should just delete it?”

I really don’t like myself for thinking that. I wanted to share something with my friends, with people who I thought might give a shit, people who might be mildly interested with our progress, people who are family and want to know what’s going on…it’s my Facebook page and it’s how I let people know stuff. People who care.

So I didn’t delete it, and I’m going to keep posting stuff like that. And I’m going to keep posting how proud I am of my boys. I’m going to keep posting birthday messages to them, and a photo, assuming I remember to do so and haven’t forgotten, because sometimes I’m a douche mom but y’know, it happens.

I’m bloody proud of my kiddos, I’m a foodie, I like photos, and I’m a bloody chatty person. Sooooooo I guess people are going to have to exercise that “STFU” button a little more often where I’m concerned. And now the sun is shining which means it’s time to go outside and play with another camera.

On Imagination, Dragons, and Taking Far Too Long To Work Out Why Things Bother Me

December 27, 2013 by cosmicgirlie 6 Comments

This is an expanded version of something I posted on Instagram/Facebook. It’s still playing on my mind, even after pondering it some more, so I wanted to post it here, too. Since this blog is part of my journal, it felt like it made sense to do so.

Someone once told me, I need to “read some of the “right” books, and to not believe everything I see in the movies.” This was in response to wanting to “own” a pet dragon. I had just changed my desktop to a scene from How To Train Your Dragon. Do I believe dragons really exist? I honestly don’t know. My imagination likes to run away with me. I quite like that. Does it mean I live in a dream world? Fuck no. I’m very grounded and am very aware of the things around me.

I have thought about this, a LOT, since I heard those words, a month ago. It has taken me this long to figure out why those words echoed in my head, and grated against me so much. If I were to curb my imagination, to read only books which were “acceptable by all”, what kind of incredibly dull and restricted world would I be living in? What kind of lifeless person would I be? The person who said those words isn’t an asshole. I know her well, I know where she’s been, I know where she’s coming from. But she got me thinking about the lives we lead, and how they affect our growth. And how one persons wonder and delight, can be another persons utter bullshit. That’s fair enough. We’re all different.

Christmas week has taken a lot of imagination to make it work for The Smalls. Their Christmas Eve Gift Box was awesome. Building up the imagination for Santa’s arrival was ace. Christmas Day treats and additional touches were so much fun. It was brilliant, and it felt magical for them, maybe even a little magical for me, too. The very day I curb this, the day I start being selective on what I read and watch, is the day I become one of the same old, “every day” people, one of millions, the very same as so many others, in the world.

This is “Toothless”, lead dragon from the book and film series “How to Train Your Dragon”. The Smalls have one each and this third one is my own. And he’s ace, and he’ll be awesome in fueling my fire for imagination and creativity. I wonder and and marvel over the imagination of children, and I’m often jealous at how creative they can be. I’m forever encouraging The Smalls to use their imagination while they play, because that’s how they grow and develop. It’s how they will become incredible human beings, with a sense of strength which few will match. It’s how they will know that, no matter what, they will always be able to find a way around the problems in life, because they will be the ones thinking outside of the box. They will be the ones with greater knowledge than others, because they didn’t restrict themselves in learning.

Because that’s how wonderful the mind can be.

DETERMINED BLAZING GLORY face

June 24, 2013 by cosmicgirlie 2 Comments

I’m probably a snob. I don’t think I am, but I reckon some think I am. That’s fine, I honestly couldn’t give a shit. I mention it because I’m trying to see things from other perspectives.

Fact is, I am not a snob, but I totally have fucking high standards when it comes to The Smalls’ education.

We’ve endured our first Sports Day (Big Small; Little Small is later in the week) at their current school. It was a wee bit depressing; at one point Noah gave me a look of sheer boredom, and Isaac just wanted to go home. There was a lot of sitting around for Noah, and the things he was involved him I think, unfortunately, were a little too easy. Out and about, he’s more of a “push me and challenge me” kind of kid, rather than “breeze through this easy shit”. Which is awesome.

Probably didn’t help that we started 35 minutes late, and it’s possible one of the visiting kids stole his cap after it fell off his head, right before a race. Niiiiiiice.

Other things which bother me is the stuff which rubs off onto the kiddos. Habits which they bring home, and I try to stamp out. I know all kids will develop some behaviours, almost expected of them. I get that. However I get really frustrated when I find myself constantly correcting word pronunciation (ghetto. S’all I’m sayin’), and they’re rarely encouraged to use their manners (a teacher looked gobsmacked when Noah went up to them and said “good afternoon”).

I have exerted a lot of energy into making sure that these simple things happen ALL THE TIME. I want my boys to grow up to be respectable, well-rounded, appreciative, smart, polite men. I know most of this comes from what I teach them at home. But I have seen how they can be influenced from the outside world. It’s only natural. Some children less/more-so than others. I’ve seen how it works for my kiddos, and I want to change that. I will never be able to control all of their influences; fuck knows that’s not even something to consider because that’s just ridiculous.

But fuck knows I can put them in a place that will teach them better values. I can put them in a place where they will be around a variety of respectable walks of life. They can be in a place where they will see people they can aspire to. I can give them an environment rich with mentally stimulating things. I can put them somewhere which will make them ask questions, want to learn more, want to see more, want to do more. Where they want to explore, rather than just accept what they’re given. Where they are given so much juicy knowledge, that they literally cannot lap it up fast enough.

They don’t get that where they are now. It saddens me. I do what I can at home, but it feels like I’m fighting a losing battle. Like, there’s little support because I don’t have the knowledge to use whatever resources I (unknowingly) have.

So today, The Mr witnessed many of the things I whine to him about on a daily basis. I really don’t think he believed me all this time. Because the look on his face as soon as he arrived at the school, was all kinds of fucking hilarious. Poor guy. I hope he recovers.

It’s been a bit of a sore subject, I think, getting The Smalls back into private school, just because it’s so fucking expensive, he wants to pay off a ton of shit first, and I wasn’t quite at my work targets. I don’t think he ever understood my determination to succeed at work. I know many people jump into wedding photography with a view to making a fuck ton of money, and living a lavish life. That’s their dreamI. If I ever, EVER make it that far, I’ll be over the moon. I’ll also be surprised, because that’s not what I’m aiming for.

With every single ~~booking~~ enquiry, I think to myself “one step closer for The Smalls”. Much of everything I do, relating to work, is done with The Smalls’ future in focus. I don’t care about driving a big fuck-off car. A bigger house would be nice, but ironically only so I could work more effectively (an actual office at home would help me when it comes to consultations and presentations), and therefore earn more money, to be spent on The Smalls education. I’ve set some fucking huge goals, but I think they’re achievable. Over the last few months, I’ve built up this weird kind of determination which I myself find almost alarming.

I haven’t seen this determination since I went through my darkest days in The Classical Music World. Setting my sights on something, and refusing to back down until I had gotten through whatever it was I needed to get through.

And so here it is again – my weird Determined Blazing Glory face. I don’t know how long it will last, and I seriously fucking hope I don’t trip up and start doubting myself. Because lord knows, I really cannot tolerate parents who do the school run, both morning and afternoon, in the same pair of pyjamas for three days running. Or swear loudly in front of the kids in the playground. Or completely ignore their kids on the way into school (kid usually lagging behind near the road). Or dealing with the high school kids who lurk on the pre-school premises, swearing loudly, hurling abuse at teachers and spitting on the floor because there are no members of staff around.

Determined Blazing Glory Face: Making Shit Happen since 1991.

Yeah, I’m still a school snob.

March 14, 2013 by cosmicgirlie 9 Comments

I can’t help it. I stand in the school playground every morning, waiting for Noah’s “buddy” to take him into school. When I look around, I see kids pushing and shoving, grabbing clothes and swinging them round with them, riding scooters into people with no apology, and the parents seem oblivious. I see kids who look like they’ve been wearing the same uniform, unwashed, all week. (It’s Thursday.)

Is this “kids growing up”? This is acceptable behaviour, right? It’s “what they do”, right?

In my eyes, wrong.

I think perhaps I’ve been spoiled by what I saw at The Small’s private school. The brilliant behaviour of the kids. The politeness and manners of ALL the students. The pride they take in their appearance. The respect they show other people, adults and children alike. Some would say it’s a dreamworld; I say it’s perfectly doable. And I know it is because a) they did it before, and b) they did it themselves last year.

I’ve noticed fucking BIG CHANGES in Noah this year. He’s more shouty, much more ignorant, becoming incredibly bossy and a know-it-all. I know staff at the school don’t put him in his place; his teacher, Miss L is LOVELY, but I know her approach re. discipline is much softer than what he would endure at Private School. I know that, whilst they learn about manners and respect, it’s a much gentler stance, than pretty much telling the children, straight of the bat, that bullshit is just not tolerated.

There’s a big difference between “not acceptable” and “not tolerated”.

I recall when we went to Private School open day, the Headmaster pretty much made a point of telling us that parents are called in if children fuck about. Whilst this terrified me, I loved the thought at the same time.

Discipline.

It’s a big thing for me.

I’m also very wary that Isaac isn’t learning the same things Noah was learning this time last year. By this time, Noah could just about blend CVC words, knew all his phonics and with some help on units of 10, could count to 100. Isaac…well, Isaac has learned the names of lots of dinosaurs, thanks to numerous colouring books and apps I’ve bought him.

So with the help of the iPad, I, myself at home, have taught him numbers to 100, all his phonics, and have him blending CV words, with a firm shove towards CVC. I would stop if he didn’t enjoy it; and yet every time I offer to sit and read with him, or have him read to me, he jumps at the chance.

The boy is a natural bookworm.

He doesn’t get this at school/nursery. And even more frustrating, is it’s just that; nursery. 3 hours of play each morning, which if it wasn’t for me desperately trying to get work done, he could do here at home.

And then comes something which I have no idea how to deal with. Mostly because it happens on my level as much as (it should do on) The Small’s level; I want to be around people who aspire to go places. To do something. To be someone. So many of the parents and kids would talk about the things they had planned to do, where they aimed to go in life, and were very, very successful. They were people who I could look at and say “fuck yeah, I have that kind of determination, too. I want to succeed in what I do as well.” I’m not looking for fame, fortune would be nice, but lord knows, I don’t want to be scrabbling around, not really having a clue where I’m going. I’m headstrong, and so are my boys. So were most of the people I saw at Private School. They were going somewhere.

The aim is to get them back into Private School in the long run. Whether it will happen, I don’t know. My business blooms every month, and I’m so fucking excited with where it’s going. I just wonder if this situation will be a continuation of most of MY life story; the opportunity is there, I can see where I want things to go, but a thousand things beyond my control prevent me getting there.

For now, I will guide and guide and guide. I will probably break myself in trying to make sure My Boys stay ahead of the game by teaching what I can at home. I will continue to nurture their manners, their pride in themselves, their good behaviour. I will try to teach them more of the French and Spanish they had been learning before, and keep them enthused with books and colouring and creativity and using their minds, showing them how to push their boundaries.

And me, well. I’ll try not to succumb to playing the lottery 4 times a week.

Education

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