cosmicgirlie

spouting all the crap you never say out loud.

Conversations

Don’t EVER ask your “friends” for Osteo Pants help.

by 3 Comments

Copied from my Facebook wall last week…

 

Jay: There needs to be either a) a clothing site with specifically designed Osteo Pants, or b) a site designed for black women butts.

Just saying.
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Nathan: And just what’s so special about your butt, missus.

Actually, don’t answer that.
23 minutes ago · Like · 1

Jay: *Smirk*
23 minutes ago · Like

Melanie: *soapy butt reveries*
18 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

Lizzie: I bet google could help you find all kinds of sites dedicated to black women’s butts…
15 minutes ago · Unlike · 1

Laura: Is this what you’re looking for? It’s what I WOULD BE LOOKING FOR – http://www.amazon.co.uk/Jsport-Womens-Plain-Piece-Burkha-Surfas/dp/B007SU1IMO/ref=sr_1_1?s=sports&ie=UTF8&qid=1368190194&sr=1-1&keywords=burkini

Jsport Women’s Plain 3 Piece Tunic Burkha-Surfa’s
www.amazon.co.uk
Jsport Women’s Plain 3 Piece Tunic Burkha-Surfa’s
8 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 · Remove Preview

Jay: OH MY GOD Laura Driver!!!!!

…I wonder if it would arrive before Wednesday…
6 minutes ago · Like

Laura: It’s also black so if you did get the ‘fanny sweats’ it wouldn’t show. *apologises for phrase ‘fanny sweats’*
5 minutes ago · Unlike · 2

Nathan: Is that the same as the burkhini of which Nigella Lawson used to be fond? Or is the Burkha Surfa a whole new range of contrived watersports wear?
3 minutes ago · Like

Jay: I am really glad you are all sensitive to my Osteo Pants needs.
3 minutes ago · Like

Laura: Totally off topic … but do you think that Nigella gets the FS?
2 minutes ago · Unlike · 1

Nathan: I just googled osteo pants and it said “did you mean astro pants”. Well I didn’t, but I am now intrigued enough to want to.

I think Nigella gets the fanny shimmers. She’s not a sweating type.
2 minutes ago · Unlike · 1

Angel: I have a butt vs. pants problem too.
2 minutes ago via mobile · Unlike · 1

Jay: *Unfriends you all*
about a minute ago · Like

Laura: The word shimmer coupled with fanny has just made me snort. Enough of this tomfoolery.
A few seconds ago · Unlike · 1

Nathan: Fanny Shimmers is a Dutch volleyball player of that I’m sure.
9 minutes ago · Unlike · 1

Laura: Pretty sure I’ve heard someone say “And here comes Fanny Shimmers, grappling with her ball”
7 minutes ago · Unlike · 1

No, get your OWN vagina.

by 6 Comments

Noah and Isaac are playing outside on the trampoline. One of them appears to be having a baby.

Isaac: Wait, I’m having a baby!

N: Well you need to go and get the thing!

I: Ok, I’ll ask Mommy.

Isaac comes running inside to me. I’m doing some work while sitting on the exercise ball.

I: Mommy, I need something from you.

Me: Ok, what do you need?

I: I need that. * He points between my knees to the ball *

Me: What – you need the ball?

I: Noooo! I need THAT, below your tummy.

Me: Wait you want – wait, WHAT?

Turns out? He’s pointing to my crotch. I would LOVE to know where he learned that one.

Not the chippy tea I had in mind.

by 2 Comments

I’m still feeling shit with my sinus infection. Isaac is full of Facial Orifice Fluid.

I have no energy to do anything constructive, in light of the above, and the somewhat lovely but sad wedding I have tomorrow.

Me: Would you like fish and chips for tea?

Isaac: Fish and chips?

CG: Yes.

I: From the chip shop?

CG: Yes.

I: Fresh?

CG: …er…yes.

I: Yes, then we can see the moon.

CG: …er…the moon?

I: Yes, at night.

CG: What – see the moon at the fish and chip shop?

I: Yes, and I need my hair cut.

CG: Umm…I cut your hair yesterday…

I: Yes. Fish and chips then.

So from what I can gather, we are also delirious. So that’s good.