“Slow down?” Dude, that’s like giving up meat.

It’s barely halfway through the year, and it’s already been MENTAL.

M. E. N. T. A. L.

The weddings I’ve had so far (ALL of them) have been fucking amazing. My Granddad has been here for nearly 5 weeks (he returns home in just over a week). My business has BOOMED. My polaroids and film work has gone flying. I’ve actually been able to support us a bit, financially, for the first time since Noah was born. I discovered the difference between cheap and expensive nail polish (honestly, it’s been a breakthrough).

So when Mr Osteo says “ok you need to give your body time to heal; you need to SLOW DOWN”, I literally cock my head and make that Scooby Doo noise.

Slow down? Say what now? Eh? You want me to what now?

Slow…eh?

Thing is, since I started osteopathy, I ALREADY feel better than before. Sure I hurt a bit at times, and I still ponder whether I should have readily given my crutches to my Granddad, but seriously. I’m like a MIRACLE.

Not really. But I’m blown away with how different I feel after sessions.

Unfortunately, he’s still all “yeah, dude seriously, SLOW THE HELL DOWN”.

I can’t! I literally cannot. I’m running and sheer adrenaline every weekend with the fucking awesome weddings I have. How do I slow down at a wedding? It’s kind of not in my nature. I’ve always been full of life (when I’m not on the Slippery Slope), and I get bored FAR too quickly if I have to stay in one place for too long. And then there’s all the equipment I carry around and stuff (I’ve actually LIGHTENED my load this year…) as well as the hundreds of miles I drive each month, to get to the various locations.

Then there’s the obvious; trying to make sure I actually engage with The Smalls from time to time. I’m not very good at that, but I do try. Once in a while. Sometimes. In my head.

Mr Osteo keeps saying I should try Pilates, in order to strengthen my core. I confess I fall asleep at just the mere mention of the word, and would prefer a more active way of core strengthening. Y’know, like hula hooping around the lounge. Or bouncing on an exercise ball in the garden. And yet, as I sit here with my shoulders aching again already (sorry Mr O…) and my right foot tingling with pins and needles (really sorry Mr O…) and my left hip and right butt cheek feeling rather twangy (seriously Mr O, we BOTH saw this coming though, right? …sorry…) I’m thinking all of those activities are kind of off limits.

Asking me to slow down is like asking me to be a vegetarian. I’d outright decline at first. Then when I realise the guilt trip that comes with being asked, I’d try it. And I’d probably last as long as one meal to the next (breakfast to lunch? Maybe. Depends on if there’s a packet of salami in the fridge for me to pick at). And that’s about as good as it would get. I could slow down. But truth is, a) I don’t want to and b) I don’t have time to. “Well then you should make time” say the masses of people. I would LOVE to make time, but that kind of means not working. And that’s not an option.

Anyhoo, I continue with Osteo in the hopes that it will at least keep the worst of the pain at bay, at least until “wedding season” is over and things calm down a bit. And I go into hibernation. In theory, I’m thinking that if I can just maybe drop from 6th to 5th gear until then, I should kind of be ok. In theory.

Is it wrong I still want to go bounce on the trampoline, though?